CHAPTER 4   (Chapter 1 / 2 / 3 / 5...) (alternates 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5...)

 
Bill and Trudy fell in love over the next few weeks. Their infatuation deepened as they worked like Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys to find out the name of the drug on the scrap of paper Bill found in Rosner's office.

And they began to have sex.

Bill had forgotten what it was like. He'd been married to Andrea for 19 years and they had dated for 2½ years before that so it was over two decades since Bill had had ‘discovery sex'. Sometimes as he lay in the woods next to Trudy after intercourse and he'd be overwhelmed with a bittersweet longing. His new love affair had revealed how bankrupt his married life had become. But it also reminded him of those early days with Andrea - so full of hope and passion. He remembered how they had fantasized about their future life as Trudy and he did now. Is this all there was to life? Wonderful beginnings followed by years of sliding into unconscious detachment, ending with regret and anger?

"What are you thinking?" Trudy asked.

"Oh, it's stupid... I just seem to be always able to find something wrong with where I am," leaning up, supporting his head on his hand just above her chest, "like right here, right now - we just had the most beautiful time but within minutes I'm swept off to some ridiculous world of remorse and deploration."

"Deploration!? I've never heard___ I mean I know what it means but... Is that a real word?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Oh, Bill, I love you!" Trudy said as she pulled his face down into the angle of her neck. He moaned, smelling her hair and skin. "Oh, yeah, I found out something that might interest you", she continued. He could hear the words echoing through the wall of her chest.

"What's that?" he moaned.

"I found out the name of the drug on your script."

Leaping up, "You did? Why'd you wait till now?"

"That hurts!" Trudy whimpered.

"What do you mean?"

"You'd rather hear some dingy little news instead of making love with me?"

"No - I mean yes, I love making love with you but it's hardly dingy news and I didn't mean it like... Oh, Trudy, I'm sorry."

"It's OK. I'm just sensitive. I know that we're not going to have this for very long..."

Bill was torn. Why was she talking about their affair ending already - it had been less than a month since they met... But he needed to hear about the drug so blurted out, "Trudy, what's the name of the drug. I don't think I can go on until I hear about it. I'm sorry."

"It's OK, Bill. I understand."

"We'll talk about us afterwards, Trudy."

"No we won't... But that's OK."

There was pause as they looked at each other. She leaned forward and kissed him, "I love you, Bill. I love you as much as I loved Dicky Winslow in seventh grade..."

Bill tried to tell her he loved her that much as well but she put her finger over his mouth. He hated to admit it but he was relieved. Then she said, "The drug is Tralixatrophin. It's a psychotropic. It was used a lot in the ‘70's in Europe but was eventually banned. It has never been cleared for use in the United States."

"Banned? Why?"

"It apparently has all kinds of weird side affects___ I mean nothing really permanent - it's not like you're going to sprout breasts or anything___"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, we___ well, most of the people I knew in the ‘60's heard that Timothy Leary had gotten breasts from all the LSD he took."

"Well, I'm relieved I won't have to start wearing a bra but what are the side affects? And how did you find all this out?"

"I slept with Francois - I mean I used to when I first got here and he owed me."

"You and Francois___? Christ, you've only been here a couple of months"

"I knew you'd be upset but I thought you wanted to know the drug."

"You had an affair with the cook for Christ's sake!?"

Trudy jumped to her feet. "I take it back. I don't love you nearly as much as Dicky Winslow. I mean he didn't get half this upset when I told him I didn't love him anymore. I wish I loved you more because you're really pissing me off and___ Oh, fuck you, Bill!"

Bill got to his feet and took a few half-hearted steps after Trudy as she charged off, but when he foresaw the next conversation he'd have to have to get her calm down, he gave up and sat back down on the grass. "Tralixatrophin," he said as he looked up at the silver birch trees that angled up to the sky. "Tralixatrophin".

*********************************

"Tralixatrophin."

"What did you say, Bill"

"I said Tralixatrophin, Ronnie"

The rest of the group turned toward Bill as Ronnie smiled.

"Why are you looking so smug?"

Ronnie and the rest of the group broke into laughter.

"I hope you're aware of the penalty in the State of Connecticut for drugging someone. It's the same as kidnaping. Did you know that, Ronnie! It's a capital offense."

The gales of laughter rose to a crescendo before Ronnie raised his hands to quiet the group. But then Sonya spit out, "Kidnaping!" and the group burst into more hysterical guffaws.

"What the fuck___!?" Bill yelled as he jumped to his feet. "I'm getting the hell out of here," running toward the door. But after less than two steps he was tackled and pulled to the ground. Ronnie came over and looked down at Bill who flipped around like a hooked fish on the bottom of a boat.

"I'm sorry, Bill. It's just... I don't know what it is about you that makes us laugh..."

"ME! What it is about me! It's not me."

"Yes, it is, Bill. It's you. Do we laugh at anyone else here like we do you?"

Bill tried to diagram that sentence in his head as he tried to remember if they laughed at anyone else like they did him. "Well, I'm the new guy in the group. I'm sure the next new person will get the same treatment - until you get tired of torturing them___"

"Bill, you are not the new guy in the group. Ernie and Claire both came in after you."

Bill stopped struggling, "Then what's so goddamned funny?"

"Oh, I don't know. We planted that prescription in Dr. Rosner's office. It was like planning a surprise party___"

"You planted that note?" Bill asked.

"Yes."

"So I'm not on Tralixatrophin?"

"No, you're on that drug alright but we wanted you get more involved in the process here and____"

"And it just seemed like a cool idea," chimed in Sonya.

"A COOL IDEA?" shrieked Bill.

"Yeah, like on THE PRISONER - we thought if we planted the note in Rosner's office___", started Sonya.

"You planted the note in Rosner's___"

"See, it's really cool."

Bill stopped struggling against the group holding him down. He had that metallic feeling in his forehead - he supposed it was panic - and his mouth tasted slimy and bitter. All eleven members of his group including Ronnie began to say his name over and over. He looked up at them smiling down. He didn't want to but he gave into the moment. Later, when he looked back at this moment he wasn't sure if his surrender was due to the drug, the overwhelming panic, or some sort of cosmic understanding. As he let his body melt into their touch and smiles the group put their hands under Bill and they lifted him into the air.

Chanting, they carried him out of the group therapy room - out of the ‘CONNECT' building, across the lawn and into the woods. When he heard the splashing he knew they were carrying him into the swimming hole. He didn't care if they drowned him at this moment - it wouldn't really matter - life would go on even it if stopped in him. Perhaps he was ready to move on. Maybe this was all his life had added up to. Better this than just waiting around for the end, a bitter, bad-tempered old fool, clinging to his distorted memories.

He felt the water touch his back - he wanted to react but he let his breath fill him. He closed his eyes as they pushed him under. The water was much warmer than he had expected.

"Water. The universal solvent." That was the last thought he had before his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 5....

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